my daddy was a tv, my mommy was a magazine.

atomic_heat @ 2005-10-02T21:06:00

2005-10-03T03:45:27Z

new livejournal.
intothedirt

add.

atomic_heat @ 2005-09-30T21:02:00

2005-10-01T04:09:07Z

i talk about this a lot.

why the fuck can't anyone just be
HAPPY for what they have in life?
god damnit.

pft and yeah, i moan and
whine a lot about stupid
crap. but guess what?
i still appreciate the
fact that at least i have
a home and a mother and
brother and a couple
of friends.

pardon my language.
but seriously.
you want want want
but you can't ever give.

i hate school.
i want to go to playa del ray
and live with robin.

someone please.
take me away from this.
your fucking SUV is polluting
the earth and my lungs.
i won't be suprised if i die
when i'm 40 of emphysema.

fuck!

atomic_heat @ 2005-09-30T16:00:00

2005-09-30T23:06:54Z

but this one made me laugh.

There was a boy and a girl, (Danny and Ally) around 14 and 15 years old. They were best friends, and were ready to take their friendship to the next level, but too shy to admit it.

*Danny and Ally on phone:*

Danny: hey, so how was your day?

Ally: it was fine, how was yours?

Danny: it was ok

~akward silence~

Danny: sooooo......

Ally: *giggle* sooooo.....

Danny: you doin anything tomorrow?

Ally: nope, why?

Danny: uhh, umm, maybe, uhh, idk, we can, hang out or somethin?

Ally: *blushes* okay, what time?

Danny: *big smile!* uhh, how about around 6:00pm or something?

Ally: Alright! I'll meet you over at the park then...

Danny: great then

Ally: well i gotta go, but i'll see you tomorrow?!

Danny: ok, see u then....

-----next day------

>>>Ally walks over to the park and see's Danny sitting on a bench waiting for her.<<<

Ally: hey, whats up?

Danny: uhh nothin, im happy too see you

Ally: *smiles* me too

Danny: alright, how about we go take a walk

Ally: okay
----------------------------------------------------------------

As they walk she grabs ahold of his hand, Danny *smiles* as they walk through the park.

----starts getting dark----

Ally: brrr, its getting a little cold out

Danny: wanna go sit on the grass

Ally: sure

Danny and Ally: (takes a seat near a tree while Danny holds Ally in his arms keeping her warm)

Ally: thank you, i feel much better now

Danny: me too

Ally: *giggles* why is that?

Danny: cause im with you

Ally: i happy with you too

Danny: uhh, umm, ...nevermind

Ally: no, what is it, you can tell me

Danny: its just....

Ally: yeah?

Danny: i feel different when im with you

Ally: i do too...

Danny: i mean, you make me wanna be with you for the rest of my life, i've never had anyone make me feel the way you make me feel...

Ally: *blushes* i do too

Danny: i, i, love.....

*THWAP*

A ninja jumped out of the sky out of no where and laid danny the FUCK out.
Danny was gonna say i love u
But Ally's Ex-Boyfriend hired ninja assassins from Kojitsu, Japan to stop other guys from flirting with her
Now Ally has to cry in bed tonight to realize that Danny just got OWNED by a Ninja
IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE AND DONT WANT THEM TO GET LAID THE FUCK OUT BY AN ARROW SHOT BY A RANDOM NINJA ASSASSIN THEN REPOST THIS NOW!

DO IT NOW FUCKERS!

so basically i'm feeling happy again, but now the boredom is coming back. nothing exciting ever happens. day after day. i hang out with greg and jas at brunch. at lunch i hang out with tyler and jemima until i get bored, then i go with garrett and ryan and other people. it gets mildly fun with them. then after school i hang out with laura, alex, julie, and tyler. we wait for garrett, and i also wait for ashley, so we can walk home. then i get home and do whatever homework i haven't finished, and go on the computer.

atomic_heat @ 2005-09-29T18:25:00

2005-09-30T01:29:38Z

i love robin.
she's so great.
i feel so greatful to have
an amazing friend like her.
if i'm ever feeling sad,
and i talk with her...

i feel so happy.
she just has magical powers or something.
i can't wait until she gets her lisence.

played hackey sack with garrett,
ryan and kenny again today.
those guys are a lot of fun to
be around.

atomic_heat @ 2005-09-27T16:59:00

2005-09-28T00:00:06Z

omg look.
a chain letter.
REPOST MMK!?!/1one

if you live in california and the numbers in your mother's age add up to be a number higher than 10 and your dog's age is a multiple of seven, you will die in seven days. if not, you might just be a math genious and future world renowned samurai warrior. and if you are both these things, you love key lime pie and elbows. if you don't repost this right this instant, or in .23648567564 minutes, you will molest your friend in your dream. which can be funny or scary. and in that case you will become scott peterson at the local improv bar.

atomic_heat @ 2005-09-25T19:41:00

2005-09-26T02:29:03Z

i've wanted to make one for a while.
i'll update this from time to time.

TODO before I die.

-paint a random mural on my bedroom wall.
-go skinny dipping.
-change someone's life for the better.
-make someone truly happy.
-get some sort of tattoo.
-camp out on the beach.

atomic_heat @ 2005-09-25T18:22:00

2005-09-26T01:09:40Z

life is a card game.

you never really know what is going to happen next.
sometimes things are just pure luck.
other times, things require a stategy.
a certain card can make a person happy.
the next card they draw can bring them down in an instant.
sometimes the game is played with another person.
sometimes the game is played with five friends.
sometimes you play solitare.
you don't always win.
you can't always loose.
and cards have hearts, too.

you get used over and over again.
people play with you. your mind. your feelings.
you want to be an individual,
but if you're a spade, there are bound to be plenty of other spades in the box.

when the game is over, what happens?
we get put in a box.
and buried in a drawer full of junk.

atomic_heat @ 2005-09-22T18:20:00

2005-09-23T01:27:27Z

and a forewarning: i am in one of those moods. if i say something mean, ignore it.
seriously.

it's just a nice idea to try to cheer someone up when they're sad.
i do it all the time.
i try to notice even if people try not to show it.
i go out of my way to make people smile.
it's just the nice thing to do.

i'm not targeting specific people.
this is in general.

only a few people try to cheer me up when i'm sad.
but that's kinda my fault cause i attempt happiness when i'm not.
is it i who need to change
or other people?

no. i don't need to change.
well maybe.

i think i'm becoming a borderline anorexic.
gah.

atomic_heat @ 2005-09-22T15:54:00

2005-09-22T23:05:39Z

meh.

being a good person doesn't pay off sometimes.
i always try to help people as much as i can.

and i rarely get a thank-you.
but whatever.

today was an oatmeal day. </3

atomic_heat @ 2005-09-21T17:26:00

2005-09-22T00:30:30Z

i gooot a jooob! i gooot a jooob!
at ralph's.
so i'll probably be working with my friend leah.
saturdays & sundays from 9-5ish.
and thursdays after school til like 7 or 8.

new computer/ipod/bass/art stuff here i come.

*dancedance*

today after class froude pulled me aside just to tell me,
"hey garrett noah's pretty funny, huh? you're his friend right? yeah he's a pretty funny kid from what i can tell in class."

uh. okay? why are you telling ME? i'm so confused.
haha.

"shut up! it will be quick and painless!"

The Random Question Meme!

An array of completely random questions about my friends!

What was lexic0ndevil wearing, the last time you noticed?: he was wearing an aus-rotten shirt and some grey dickies.
What would happen if you were to date kikkuma?: bow chika bow wow.
Is jackieass best described as a badger, a mushroom, or a snake?: badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger

MUSHROOM MUSHROOM!

badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger

OHH IT'S A SNAAAKEEE.
Will mshmsh ever amount to anything?: yuss. she draw well. O0O;
How will angelscar die?: I WILL KILL HER FOR NOT VISITING ME.

This is by heptadecagram. You can find your own completely random questions here.

Do you feel enlightened now?

atomic_heat @ 2005-09-20T15:45:00

2005-09-20T23:05:41Z

oh man. why doesn't stella come on telivision anymore. that is like, the greatest show ever. i ♥ michael ian black.

it rained today.
i smiled a lot.

the thunderstorms in littlerock are the most wonderful things. i love waking up at 2 in the morning with a flash of light and the boom of thunder and rain pouring like i've never seen before. it truly is one of my favorite things. it's one of the only reasons i like littlerock. i love the rain.

oh yeah, after i watched the storm, i got sick and puked. it was splendid.

♥

atomic_heat @ 2005-09-19T16:52:00

2005-09-20T00:05:16Z

save the drama fo yo mama.

"i challenge you to a battle of wits!"
"i would never fight an unarmed man!"

you make me nervous nervous nervous!
hella hella hella nervous nervous nervous!
haha jemimaaa.

movies fri/sat anyone? anyone?
then bowling alley saturday night.
whoot. foster's freeze.
betcha can't wait.

keekeekee. i got to deliver a
slip to the band room today and
alex and becky said hello to me. yay.

lovelove alex and becky.
lovelove jemima.
lovelove jayzayminnne.
eek. everyone gets lovelove.

omg i have a 102% in froude's deadly english class. omfg.

*spazzes out like a 12 year old*

atomic_heat @ 2005-09-18T22:14:00

2005-09-19T04:56:43Z

ghouliepop: i had this dream
ghouliepop: last night.
ghouliepop: and like
ghouliepop: i was at school and i had to go to cooking class
ghouliepop: but i went to choir class instead.
ghouliepop: but they were having choir practice in the foods room
ghouliepop: so we were singing near the ovens.
ghouliepop: and then class was over
ghouliepop: and like
ghouliepop: this guy said hed take me and ash out to get some food
ghouliepop: but we got lost in aqua dulce.
ghouliepop: but then we went back to school
ghouliepop: and i kept hitting on garrett
ghouliepop: and then
ghouliepop: i like grabbed him by the neck and dragged him in the bushes
ghouliepop: and said
ghouliepop: "shut up it will be quick and painless"
ghouliepop: and then i woke up.

atomic_heat @ 2005-09-18T19:02:00

2005-09-19T01:46:34Z

i wish i could tell you how i feel.

but i can't.

i can't express my feelings.
it's hard for me to tell people how i feel.

but i don't want to be rejected.
i don't like being hurt.

it's no big deal.
it's no big deal.
it's no big deal.

atomic_heat @ 2005-09-18T15:58:00

2005-09-18T22:50:33Z

sometimes people don't know when they hurt another.
sometimes they say things that make someone feel utterly horrible even when said event wasn't done to make harm on anyone.
sometimes people say they aren't angry when they really truly are.

i'm not going to deny it.
i am mad.
i'm not sorry.
because i didn't do anything wrong.
and even if i did, it was completely unintentional.

i'm not pointing fingers here.
i'm not trying to hurt feelings.
i'm stating my own.

there has been one person that has been there for me in these past weeks more than anyone ever has in many years. that person is jemima. i feel really lucky to have a friend like her. i know now i can tell her anything, i can cry on her shoulder and she won't think i'm a baby. she's a true friend and i appreciate her being there for me. and for that i promise i'll be there for her. ♥

i hope things get better for my dear friend alex.
he's pretty down right now.
so if you know him, make him feel better, okay?

i miss garrettt and tyler. where have they gone this weekend? ah yes, jemima called tyler and said he was in san diego watching whales and otters!

i miss jasmine candace illie alicia gregor & everyone else too.
ESPECIALLY ROBIN. ♥

i think next weekend jemima and i are going to see the excorsim of emily rose. so most likely tyler will come cause of jemima, alex and garrettt should come too.

atomic_heat @ 2005-09-17T17:21:00

2005-09-18T00:21:50Z

i finally realized it.
after a while of being horridly sad over something so stupid.

i have everything in the world.
i could be living in new orleans right now.
i could be living in a third world country starving.
i could be homeless and alone.
i could have a terminal illness.

those would be reasons to be sad.

but i don't have to go through any of that. i should feel lucky. i should feel like the luckiest girl in the whole world. i have great friends and a wonderful family. i may not live in the nicest house or have a lot of money or wear the best clothes. but i have people around me that care for me and for a while i have been too blind to see that. now it's all clear to me, and i can't understand why i've been so sad. i've always told myself he didn't matter AT ALL. but he does and i guess i care a lot about him. but if liking this person is going to affect the person all my friends like me for, do i really want to continue? it's hard to choose but i can't just let go of my feelings.

all i know, is that i'm going to try not to let it affect me. it's not a big deal, and besides, there are other fish in the sea. i just want to be happy for people. i want to act like i used to and not have to pretend to be happy. and if it weren't for all my friends, i wouldn't even have a reason to be happy. i'm not happy for myself. i want to show people that there is good in their life. i want to show them that even when things get bad, there's always something to look forward to the next day. and that to the world, you may just be one person, but to one person you ARE the world. someone out there loves you and cares for you. and it might be who you least expect. hell, you might not even know their name.

but you have to appreciate them and be thankful, or you just might end up alone.

atomic_heat @ 2005-09-17T12:11:00

2005-09-17T19:20:04Z

i need a job.
cause christmas is coming.
okay so it's not THAT close. but still.
i've got to get gifts gifts and more gifts
for everyone.

i though afi might've killed just like heaven,
but i finally heard it.
and it's actually pretty good.
i should have known, they did a good cover of
the hanging garden, too.

i'm so excited. i'm going to erica's tonight.
i love her! and jessica and terryn and jemima.
and whoever else is going.
OH AND BOB DOLE. (hahaha, jemima)

"Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream" she said
"The one that makes me laugh" she said
And threw her arms around my neck
"Show me how you do it
And I promise you I promise that
I'll run away with you
I'll run away with you"

Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow
"Why are you so far away?" she said
"Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you
That I'm in love with you"

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You're just like a dream

Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
And drowned her deep inside of me

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Just like heaven

atomic_heat @ 2005-09-14T19:48:00

2005-09-15T02:58:43Z

i never really get what/who i want.
& i feel like a horrible, greedy person when i say that.
so basically ...
i hate myself for being stupid right now.
i hate myself for only having a b in math.
i hate myself for not being pretty or thin.
i hate myself for drawing like crap.

i want a career in art yet i still suck majorly.
but then again ...
my low self esteem is taking over this entry.
so i'm talking out my ass again?
no. i don't think i am.

a mouse just scuttered across my floor. ew.
it's going to spread disease throughout the household.

sometimes i wish i never met him.
what a wonderful friend he is.
but i wonder if we weren't ...
would i still feel horrible?

atomic_heat @ 2005-09-12T16:56:00

2005-09-12T23:59:50Z

ATTENTION! disreguard the entry below. i was in a horrible, horrible mood and was just talking out of my butt.

if i made you feel bad (particularly jay) i'm reallyreally sorry. i was being stupid.

lovelovelove.

---------------------------------

today sucked. it was boring. i had to take a test at lunch. ughh.
damn you, sentence fragments!
DAMN YOU!

atomic_heat @ 2005-09-11T13:45:00

2005-09-11T20:56:00Z

this entry is (yet again) going to be filled with whining and annoying things.
so if you're not in the mood for it:
don't read it.

i feel like there is no one there for me. people tell me they are there. but i can't feel it.
i know i have jemima. she and i are becoming better friends all the time.
and i have robin. the thought of being able to talk to her anytime is very reassuring.
alex always finds a way to cheer me up, too.

but the people i also need are slowly drifting away.

like jasmine.
she's always with dan. she never leaves his side, pretty much. i know she loves him and all, but she could make time. then again when she has time i guess she's with katie. i only get 40 minutes with jasmine every day. what the hell is that. sometimes she doesn't even show up at lunch. and this is going to sound pretty stupid but she hasn't been waiting to walk with me after school. yeah, i'm that lame.

i went to her house yesterday. to see if she wanted to spend some time with me and jemima at the donut store, get some breakfast, you know. but when i knocked, her dad told me she was at dan's. and for some reason my heart sank. but i told jemima, "oh well. there'll be other times." when are we going to the photo sticker studio, then? she promises things to me, tells me we're going to have a good time, just me and her, but then she finds out dan gets off work early. and she ditches our plans. but whatever.

i know you're going to say sorry, but i'm afraid it won't mean anything. you've used it too much and tell me it won't happen again. and it happens again. i'm not saying we aren't friends. just that things have changed because you can't realize what you do to your friends.

like erica.
i had to stop going to her house after school because i couldn't do my homework. and now i feel like because of that i am shut out. she only wants to be with terryn and jessica. even if i did go to her house, it would be the same thing as we always do. that's just watch tv or go on the computer. i guess we did those things cause i am a boring person and i'm not funny or interested in things she is like terryn and jessica are. they're just better friends than i am. i wish i could be fun and energetic all the time. but i'm sorry if i have some fucked up condition that i can't look myself in your mirror, yet you force me to anyway. i'm sorry i hate myself.

who else is drifting away?
ashley. she's been for a long time.
garrett. uhhhhhhhhhhh.
alicia. always smoking with gloria.
iliana. all it is, "hi i love you bye."
dennis. he fucking hates me.
brenda. i miss this girl like no other.

---------------------------------------------------

that's about it. i wish i could draw like BW-INC. she's so good.
i installed adobe illustrator on my comp.
that program rules. holy crap.
my tablet's working again.

i went to the bowling alley last night with jemima. met up with alex, tyler, jessica, wesley and rico.
it was way fun.
jemima and i are the ultimate rulers of being horrible at DDR.

atomic_heat @ 2005-09-08T16:30:00

2005-09-08T23:33:04Z

--------

So yeah. I really wanna see The Excorsism of Emily Rose on Saturday.
I stayed home today cause I got sick during the night. Sicker than hell!
Ughh. Ewwwwwwwww. ARGH.
I am starting to realize that I am a very jealous person.
I suck.

♥

atomic_heat @ 2005-09-06T20:17:00

2005-09-07T03:18:36Z

i went to the purikura today and then saw the skeleton key with jemima, alex and tyler. t'was much fun.

uh huh uh huh.

i want to see the excorsism of emily rose.

i want to donate to the hurricane fund.

atomic_heat @ 2005-08-31T20:26:00

2005-09-01T03:31:37Z

yay. jasmine lent me her horrorpops, my ruin and no doubt cds. awesome. but then i realized one of the my ruin cds i already have. ahaha. oh well.

i've got nothing interesting to say today.
nothing happened.
school was actually enjoyable.

i want to go to purikura. it looks like loads of fun.
peekturezzz.
yay.

now i'm just starting to ramble to pass the time.
gaia online is fun.
i love fruits basket.

atomic_heat @ 2005-08-28T21:06:00

2005-08-29T03:58:28Z

Uhm. This entry is nothing but whining and complaining. If you think it's annoying, go awaaay. Grrr.

I'm having it again. The feeling. The feeling has been wiggling its way into my body more and more with each passing day. I still don't know what it is. I just know I get this wierd empty feeling that I don't know how to explain. I am sitting here, talking with a few people, and it hits me again.

All of this is just intensifying. This wierd feeling. My self-conciousness. My lack of enthusiasm. I hate that. And everyone says, "Oh, stop thinking you're so ugly you are only fishing for compliments." Well, guess what? I'm NOT. I DO have a problem. It's not a joke nor is it for attention. But eh, if you want to think that be my guest.

-----------------------------------

Anyways. I'm gonna be going straight home more often rather then going to people's houses after school. It's not good for me cause I never do my homework, blah blah. So yeah. Straight home. Fun on weekends. Speaking of which. Saturday Jemima and I may join Alex & Co. at the bowling alley. It shall be a great deal of fun. I hope.

atomic_heat @ 2005-08-24T20:10:00

2005-08-25T03:16:41Z

i'm having another one of those wild mood swings again. i hate it. it sucks.

i want someone who i can talk to about anything in the world, someone who knows what it's like to feel what i'm feeling. thing is, i have no clue why i'm feeling this way or what kind of emotion it is. sure, i have friends who i talk to every day and whatnot, but i'd feel stupid just suddenly bursting out about my feelings and whats going on in my head. but then again i guess that's what this journal is for. but still. i want someone who i can stay up all night with and talk without ever getting bored. i've known people who have this, and it just makes me want that even more when they talk about it. i know i sound like some stupid kid. i always do when i get into a mood like this.

but even though i'm always miserable at school, i have friends who make it much more enjoyable and they help me realize that there are people out there who will go out of their way to make someone happy. i want to be that person.

robin, jas, jemima, erica, greg, spencer, allison, becky, garrett, alex, kenny, ili, alicia, candace, terryn, jessica, john, jen, brenda, jeff, julie, mikala, carol, missy, ashley, krystal, deidre, tyler, chunk, kelli... a lot of you i've lost touch with. a lot of you i don't know as well as i should. but you're all really important to me. i've learned i've got to love the people around me.

because i never know when i'll loose them.
and because i never did tell melissa how much she meant to me.
and now she's gone from the earth. and all i have are memories.

and i don't want that again. i want the people i love to stay with me. i want to grow old with my childhood friends and remember all the fun times we had. it's gonna be hard, but i'm gonna try.

hair cut friday/saturday.