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[30 Sep 2005|09:02pm] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
] |
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music |
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Nirvana - About A Girl |
] |
i talk about this a lot.
why the fuck can't anyone just be
HAPPY for what they have in life?
god damnit.
pft and yeah, i moan and
whine a lot about stupid
crap. but guess what?
i still appreciate the
fact that at least i have
a home and a mother and
brother and a couple
of friends.
pardon my language.
but seriously.
you want want want
but you can't ever give.
i hate school.
i want to go to playa del ray
and live with robin.
someone please.
take me away from this.
your fucking SUV is polluting
the earth and my lungs.
i won't be suprised if i die
when i'm 40 of emphysema.
fuck!
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[30 Sep 2005|04:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Le Tigre - Keep On Livin' |
] |
( ha. i usually hate these. )
so basically i'm feeling happy again, but now the boredom is coming back. nothing exciting ever happens. day after day. i hang out with greg and jas at brunch. at lunch i hang out with tyler and jemima until i get bored, then i go with garrett and ryan and other people. it gets mildly fun with them. then after school i hang out with laura, alex, julie, and tyler. we wait for garrett, and i also wait for ashley, so we can walk home. then i get home and do whatever homework i haven't finished, and go on the computer.
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[29 Sep 2005|06:25pm] |
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mood |
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 calm |
] |
i love robin.
she's so great.
i feel so greatful to have
an amazing friend like her.
if i'm ever feeling sad,
and i talk with her...
i feel so happy.
she just has magical powers or something.
i can't wait until she gets her lisence.
played hackey sack with garrett,
ryan and kenny again today.
those guys are a lot of fun to
be around.
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[27 Sep 2005|04:59pm] |
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mood |
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amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Nirvana - Stay Away |
] |
omg look.
a chain letter.
REPOST MMK!?!/1one
if you live in california and the numbers in your mother's age add up to be a number higher than 10 and your dog's age is a multiple of seven, you will die in seven days. if not, you might just be a math genious and future world renowned samurai warrior. and if you are both these things, you love key lime pie and elbows. if you don't repost this right this instant, or in .23648567564 minutes, you will molest your friend in your dream. which can be funny or scary. and in that case you will become scott peterson at the local improv bar.
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[25 Sep 2005|07:41pm] |
i've wanted to make one for a while.
i'll update this from time to time.
( To-Do Before I Die. )
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[25 Sep 2005|06:22pm] |
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mood |
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 i can't feel. |
] |
life is a card game.
you never really know what is going to happen next.
sometimes things are just pure luck.
other times, things require a stategy.
a certain card can make a person happy.
the next card they draw can bring them down in an instant.
sometimes the game is played with another person.
sometimes the game is played with five friends.
sometimes you play solitare.
you don't always win.
you can't always loose.
and cards have hearts, too.
you get used over and over again.
people play with you. your mind. your feelings.
you want to be an individual,
but if you're a spade, there are bound to be plenty of other spades in the box.
when the game is over, what happens?
we get put in a box.
and buried in a drawer full of junk.
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[22 Sep 2005|03:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Smashing Pumpkins - Bullet With Butterfly Wings |
] |
meh.
being a good person doesn't pay off sometimes.
i always try to help people as much as i can.
and i rarely get a thank-you.
but whatever.
today was an oatmeal day. </3
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[21 Sep 2005|05:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 yay job. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Cure - Jumping Someone Else's Train |
] |
i gooot a jooob! i gooot a jooob!
at ralph's.
so i'll probably be working with my friend leah.
saturdays & sundays from 9-5ish.
and thursdays after school til like 7 or 8.
new computer/ipod/bass/art stuff here i come.
*dancedance*
today after class froude pulled me aside just to tell me,
"hey garrett noah's pretty funny, huh? you're his friend right? yeah he's a pretty funny kid from what i can tell in class."
uh. okay? why are you telling ME? i'm so confused.
haha.
"shut up! it will be quick and painless!"
( The Random Question Meme! )
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[20 Sep 2005|03:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 i love the rain. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Red Hot Chili Peppers - Otherside |
] |
oh man. why doesn't stella come on telivision anymore. that is like, the greatest show ever. i ♥ michael ian black.
it rained today.
i smiled a lot.
the thunderstorms in littlerock are the most wonderful things. i love waking up at 2 in the morning with a flash of light and the boom of thunder and rain pouring like i've never seen before. it truly is one of my favorite things. it's one of the only reasons i like littlerock. i love the rain.
oh yeah, after i watched the storm, i got sick and puked. it was splendid.
♥
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[19 Sep 2005|04:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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wtf greg. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Gravy Train!!!! - Hella Nervous |
] |
save the drama fo yo mama.
"i challenge you to a battle of wits!"
"i would never fight an unarmed man!"
you make me nervous nervous nervous!
hella hella hella nervous nervous nervous!
haha jemimaaa.
movies fri/sat anyone? anyone?
then bowling alley saturday night.
whoot. foster's freeze.
betcha can't wait.
keekeekee. i got to deliver a
slip to the band room today and
alex and becky said hello to me. yay.
lovelove alex and becky.
lovelove jemima.
lovelove jayzayminnne.
eek. everyone gets lovelove.
omg i have a 102% in froude's deadly english class. omfg.
*spazzes out like a 12 year old*
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[18 Sep 2005|07:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Cure - Never Enough |
] |
i wish i could tell you how i feel.
but i can't.
i can't express my feelings.
it's hard for me to tell people how i feel.
but i don't want to be rejected.
i don't like being hurt.
it's no big deal.
it's no big deal.
it's no big deal.
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[18 Sep 2005|03:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Cock Sparrer - We're Coming Back |
] |
sometimes people don't know when they hurt another.
sometimes they say things that make someone feel utterly horrible even when said event wasn't done to make harm on anyone.
sometimes people say they aren't angry when they really truly are.
i'm not going to deny it.
i am mad.
i'm not sorry.
because i didn't do anything wrong.
and even if i did, it was completely unintentional.
i'm not pointing fingers here.
i'm not trying to hurt feelings.
i'm stating my own.
there has been one person that has been there for me in these past weeks more than anyone ever has in many years. that person is jemima. i feel really lucky to have a friend like her. i know now i can tell her anything, i can cry on her shoulder and she won't think i'm a baby. she's a true friend and i appreciate her being there for me. and for that i promise i'll be there for her. ♥
i hope things get better for my dear friend alex.
he's pretty down right now.
so if you know him, make him feel better, okay?
i miss garrettt and tyler. where have they gone this weekend? ah yes, jemima called tyler and said he was in san diego watching whales and otters!
i miss jasmine candace illie alicia gregor & everyone else too.
ESPECIALLY ROBIN. ♥
i think next weekend jemima and i are going to see the excorsim of emily rose. so most likely tyler will come cause of jemima, alex and garrettt should come too.
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[17 Sep 2005|05:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Cure - Fascination Street |
] |
i finally realized it.
after a while of being horridly sad over something so stupid.
i have everything in the world.
i could be living in new orleans right now.
i could be living in a third world country starving.
i could be homeless and alone.
i could have a terminal illness.
those would be reasons to be sad.
but i don't have to go through any of that. i should feel lucky. i should feel like the luckiest girl in the whole world. i have great friends and a wonderful family. i may not live in the nicest house or have a lot of money or wear the best clothes. but i have people around me that care for me and for a while i have been too blind to see that. now it's all clear to me, and i can't understand why i've been so sad. i've always told myself he didn't matter AT ALL. but he does and i guess i care a lot about him. but if liking this person is going to affect the person all my friends like me for, do i really want to continue? it's hard to choose but i can't just let go of my feelings.
all i know, is that i'm going to try not to let it affect me. it's not a big deal, and besides, there are other fish in the sea. i just want to be happy for people. i want to act like i used to and not have to pretend to be happy. and if it weren't for all my friends, i wouldn't even have a reason to be happy. i'm not happy for myself. i want to show people that there is good in their life. i want to show them that even when things get bad, there's always something to look forward to the next day. and that to the world, you may just be one person, but to one person you ARE the world. someone out there loves you and cares for you. and it might be who you least expect. hell, you might not even know their name.
but you have to appreciate them and be thankful, or you just might end up alone.
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[17 Sep 2005|12:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
AFI - Just Like Heaven |
] |
i need a job.
cause christmas is coming.
okay so it's not THAT close. but still.
i've got to get gifts gifts and more gifts
for everyone.
i though afi might've killed just like heaven,
but i finally heard it.
and it's actually pretty good.
i should have known, they did a good cover of
the hanging garden, too.
i'm so excited. i'm going to erica's tonight.
i love her! and jessica and terryn and jemima.
and whoever else is going.
OH AND BOB DOLE. (hahaha, jemima)
( i promise i'll run away with you. )
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[14 Sep 2005|07:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Operation Ivy - Knowledge |
] |
i never really get what/who i want.
& i feel like a horrible, greedy person when i say that.
so basically ...
i hate myself for being stupid right now.
i hate myself for only having a b in math.
i hate myself for not being pretty or thin.
i hate myself for drawing like crap.
i want a career in art yet i still suck majorly.
but then again ...
my low self esteem is taking over this entry.
so i'm talking out my ass again?
no. i don't think i am.
a mouse just scuttered across my floor. ew.
it's going to spread disease throughout the household.
sometimes i wish i never met him.
what a wonderful friend he is.
but i wonder if we weren't ...
would i still feel horrible?
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[12 Sep 2005|04:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Operation Ivy - Officer |
] |
ATTENTION! disreguard the entry below. i was in a horrible, horrible mood and was just talking out of my butt.
if i made you feel bad (particularly jay) i'm reallyreally sorry. i was being stupid.
lovelovelove.
---------------------------------
today sucked. it was boring. i had to take a test at lunch. ughh.
damn you, sentence fragments!
DAMN YOU!
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[11 Sep 2005|01:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cranky |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
hah. south park movie. |
] |
this entry is (yet again) going to be filled with whining and annoying things.
so if you're not in the mood for it:
don't read it.
i feel like there is no one there for me. people tell me they are there. but i can't feel it.
i know i have jemima. she and i are becoming better friends all the time.
and i have robin. the thought of being able to talk to her anytime is very reassuring.
alex always finds a way to cheer me up, too.
but the people i also need are slowly drifting away.
like jasmine.
she's always with dan. she never leaves his side, pretty much. i know she loves him and all, but she could make time. then again when she has time i guess she's with katie. i only get 40 minutes with jasmine every day. what the hell is that. sometimes she doesn't even show up at lunch. and this is going to sound pretty stupid but she hasn't been waiting to walk with me after school. yeah, i'm that lame.
i went to her house yesterday. to see if she wanted to spend some time with me and jemima at the donut store, get some breakfast, you know. but when i knocked, her dad told me she was at dan's. and for some reason my heart sank. but i told jemima, "oh well. there'll be other times." when are we going to the photo sticker studio, then? she promises things to me, tells me we're going to have a good time, just me and her, but then she finds out dan gets off work early. and she ditches our plans. but whatever.
i know you're going to say sorry, but i'm afraid it won't mean anything. you've used it too much and tell me it won't happen again. and it happens again. i'm not saying we aren't friends. just that things have changed because you can't realize what you do to your friends.
like erica.
i had to stop going to her house after school because i couldn't do my homework. and now i feel like because of that i am shut out. she only wants to be with terryn and jessica. even if i did go to her house, it would be the same thing as we always do. that's just watch tv or go on the computer. i guess we did those things cause i am a boring person and i'm not funny or interested in things she is like terryn and jessica are. they're just better friends than i am. i wish i could be fun and energetic all the time. but i'm sorry if i have some fucked up condition that i can't look myself in your mirror, yet you force me to anyway. i'm sorry i hate myself.
who else is drifting away?
ashley. she's been for a long time.
garrett. uhhhhhhhhhhh.
alicia. always smoking with gloria.
iliana. all it is, "hi i love you bye."
dennis. he fucking hates me.
brenda. i miss this girl like no other.
---------------------------------------------------
that's about it. i wish i could draw like BW-INC. she's so good.
i installed adobe illustrator on my comp.
that program rules. holy crap.
my tablet's working again.
i went to the bowling alley last night with jemima. met up with alex, tyler, jessica, wesley and rico.
it was way fun.
jemima and i are the ultimate rulers of being horrible at DDR.
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atomic_heat's journal
aggravated